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  • "Welcome, fools!" OR "Keep reading if you have time to waste!"

    Personal blogs are dumb because most people who keep personal blogs are:

    1) Failing at what they foolishly decided to study in college.

    2) Un or under employed.

    3) Bored.

    4) Think they are funny/insightful/relevant

    Since I’ve reluctantly found myself mastering all 4 of those qualifications, I thought, “Why not?”

    The big question is “What do I blog about?” Actually, the big question is, “How many people will judge me for my improper punctuation and bad editing?” But to those people I’ll say, “Go get laid. Oh wait…you can’t because you’re ugly and spend all day discriminating blogs.” Now I’m off topic…

    Julie had Julia and Perez had the Hiltons (once upon a time). What do I have? I’ll be honest, there’s no shtick. Not yet, at least. Maybe I’ll find one. Please don’t count on it. But here are some ideas that I toyed with:

    1) Review movies or books or theatre? Blah…that’s so olllld. I mean, people get paid to do that, why would I do it for free? Although I’m sure that I’ll interject my (very strong and very correct) opinions about those matters but I don’t want to put myself in a box.

    2) Blog about my writing projects? No. You’ll steal my ideas. You hungry, hungry little demons, you. Ugh. Who am I kidding? I’ll most likely use this space to vent about the twelve million agents I’ve submitted to and the negative sixty million who haven’t even read my queries, yet. That math works, believe me.

    3) Sex? Dating? Oooooo. Those are fun. I’m well-versed in both but being that I spend a good portion of my day obsessing over this area, I can’t bring myself to type all of my biz-natch up for the entire world (all four of you) to read. I will say that after flirting with a three year relationship, dating sites, slutty summers and a new foray into cross continental affections…I’ve got some stories. I promise no names or offensiveness, as I do have some semblance of a heart.

    So, why are you still reading? Because you enjoy General Faggorty.

    Thank you, Milan, Italy for this photo op. That city knew me well.